HENRY GOLDKAMP
FAT CONTENT
(ADJUNCT GETTING $2000 PER 16-WEEK COURSE hands out no. 2 pencils and scantrons to STUDENTS WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR.)
ADJUNCT GETTING $2000 PER 16-WEEK COURSE: If stranded on an existential desert island, which of the following, given in unlimited supply, offers the greatest chance of survival?
A: Bread and butter
B: Bread and water
C: Bread and circuses
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 1: There's sand in my mouth!
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 2: Were we supposed to read for today?
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 3: Ain't no mountain high enough.
ADJUNCT GETTING $2000 PER 16-WEEK COURSE: If stranded on an existential desert island, which of the following, given in unlimited supply, offers the greatest chance of survival?
A: Bread and butter
B: Bread and water
C: Bread and circuses
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 1: This is a "no"-6 pencil.
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 2: I don't even know what question we're on.
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 3: This paper tastes like peppermint.
ADJUNCT GETTING $2000 PER 16-WEEK COURSE: If stranded on an existential desert island, which of the following, given in unlimited supply, offers the greatest chance of survival?
A: Bread and butter
B: Bread and water
C: Bread and circuses
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 1: I used to be a slick chef.
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 2: I used to lead a life of crime.
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 3: I used to tell people I'm going to be a U.S. Sentator.
(ADJUNCT GETTING $2000 PER 16-WEEK COURSE collects scantrons, puts them through a paper shredder, lights the shreds on fire, and eats the flames. The STUDENTS WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR rise and leave.)
ADJUNCT GETTING $2000 PER 16-WEEK COURSE: (To their backs. Flames escape at each word.) We still have 48 minutes left. Please. Y'all.
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 1: I'm going to the drinking fountain.
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 2: I'm going to milk my cow.
STUDENT WHOSE MEDIAN INCOME IS LESS THAN $27000 PER YEAR 3: I'm going to get that bread.
Henry Goldkamp (he/they) is an interdisciplinary poet who enjoys clowning boundaries between language, visual art, and sensory performance. He lives in New Orleans, where he hosts the poetry reading Splice, acts as intermedia editor for Tilted House, teaches experimental poetics and clown studies at Louisiana State University, and serves as communications director of the New Orleans Poetry Festival. Recent art, criticism, and performance appear or are forthcoming in Chicago Review, DIAGRAM, Annulet, Volt, Blue Bag Press, Poetry Northwest, Accelerants: An Action Books Poetry Film Series, Triquarterly, NOIR SAUNA, and Sonora Review, among others.
